Monday, December 31, 2012

Year-end Remembering

This year could have easily been just another year, shedding calendar leaves unnoticed.

But I'm glad it wasn't just another year that went by. Looking back, I'm proud of how I've taken all these experiences into my life. I'm glad I was more aware of what has been happening in front of me that they weren't in vain. My progress may not have been as huge and speedy as I hoped it would, but it's still progress. It's still significant. I'm in a better disposition than before I started.

 I wouldn't be this much grateful for all that has happened if it weren't for the great people I've met (and some, worked with) this year. They've truly became testaments to the saying that some people come into your life for a reason (a season, or a lifetime). I truly felt as though each one of them held a significant place in my life and as if each of their reason tessellated with my present situation. It's just amazing how suddenly you realise that just by being able to look into your life from outside and you see all the details, the meaning of every happening,  that in itself is a blessing and a privilege. And through these, I've learned to open my eyes wider. 

I just have an unexplainable optimism for the coming year, for 2013. Nowadays, people like to say "201_, please be good to me" as if the year is responsible for whatever has been and will happen to them. I realised otherwise: I am changing my perspective on things (and adding more of a grateful attitude, too) this year so I could safely say that the year per se didn't bring me those (future) opportunities; I made them happen because I've changed something in my life that set my life in motion.

To YOU, I wish you all the best in the coming year. 

And this because saying YES means letting more opportunity happen in your life. If it turns out bad, charge it to experience and learn from it. 



Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Lessons learned in rejection

When I left my job in September, mum already gave me a heads up that companies seldom hire in November and December. But in my stubborn head, I was already thinking that I don't want to wait for next year to get a new job. There I was, completely confident in myself that armed with a bit of work experience, I'd easily get a new one.

Of course, it's almost seldom that things go according to my plan.

Sometimes, I really wish I had shifted to Advertising instead of pursuing a course in Painting. Of course, it wasn't until now that I've come to realise that valuable decision. I know there is a huge disadvantage for us Painting grads in the design industry since nobody, or rarely, do designers and advertising firms use paintings for their products. And I honestly feel that it can be very intimidating. Especially in "the real world".

Perhaps I should consider myself still lucky because somehow, I get calls for interview for jobs even though I'm a Painting graduate. In the earlier batch of my interviews, of course I was decidedly rejected by these companies. Newly fresh grad me used to go home really sad, feeling disqualified of any potential that I had. I've been, since that turning point in my life, a believer of learning from your mistakes, and charging them to experience. Sure, in the beginning it was very difficult. I had an overwhelming fear of being forever unemployed since my course had no place in the design industry. But over a couple more rejections, my first job found me. And it was the most validating feeling in the world. For someone to believe in you and tell you they want you on their team. Just wow. But of course, in months' time, things happen, perspectives change, and eventually I went on to find a different career path. It was then that I knew I wanted to pursue a career in the fashion industry, or something very close to it. And so the job hunting began again.

But this time, I wasn't just armed with skills, I was also armed with a better disposition. Since I've been in my previous work, I've eventually learned to pick up their positive thinking. Their ability to look beyond the negative in most situations. And not to mention their really pleasant morning greetings. And all these are playing a big role in my new endeavor now. So after I tendered my resignation, naturally I am now actively seeking a new job again. And this is what I've set firmly on my mind:

 Get hired by a good company before the year ends

And there was no stopping me. Every time I get an invitation for an interview, I can't help but think maybe this is it. Maybe I didn't get the previous one because God was preparing me for this. Maybe that previous interview was a learning experience for me to do better on this one. And you know, sometimes, somewhere in these strings of hope, I get confused whether I am only telling this to myself for reassurance...or because I firmly believe in God's will. I'm not trying to be a preachy Catholic. It's just something I've always firmly believed in. Last week, I sent out a message to this company that I really want. I wasn't rejected because of my incapability, that was a change, but because they weren't hiring at the moment. I suppose I anticipated for this, just in case it takes a turn for the worse (red flag! I am detoxifying myself of negative thinking and this shouldn't be how I'm disciplining my way of thinking). But I surprised myself how I accepted it and immediately went back on my feet. The old version of me, I could just imagine, would sulk in bed, blaming myself. I'm just really proud of my progress, no matter how little it may seem, that I'm letting a ray of sunlight and hope in my life. I used to think I'm irreparable, now I'm beginning to think otherwise. It just needs a lot of work and conscious effort. So this led me to applying to this other company. I remember thinking if they call, then this is it. Lo and behold, they called the very next day, scheduled an interview for the next week, and I couldn't wait for it. I prayed real hard to give this job to me since it had so many checks on my criterias.

And today came the interview. The commute was a joy compared to the other companies I've been to. I wore my best attitude and presented myself as sincere as I could. I really thought I had it in the bag...until the other applicant was asked to stay and I, otherwise, was advised that I'd be called if I get shortlisted. So, okay, take it in, accept it. Breathe. Went out, changed into a more comfortable footwear, and just before I left the building, I got a call. A hope! They were asking me to go back! I slipped back in my wedges and went back. I was praying real hard that this would be it. This would be it. Claim it. And again, things seldom go according to my plan.

It was this day that I realised what could hurt more than breaking your heart once: It was giving a second chance only to be broken again and doubly fast. I don't know why my heart even sank. Being called back didn't guarantee a post in the first place. I just couldn't help but think I am always second best, the "Almost Angela" (Angela being my second name). I'm hardly ever the girl that gets chosen first... and it's just saddening. Not in a self-pity kind of way. So I went home and I remember talking to God that I know He's just testing my faith in Him. He's finding a way to see how long I would put my trust in Him. It was a rather calm ride home, I just needed a hug that's all. But then again I'm just surprised at how calm I am taking this. Got home, talked to my mum and let myself cry out the sadness - a catharsis, if you will. After that, I told myself I'll be alright. It will present itself when I'm ready. Right now I just have to keep getting back on my feet.

And so, after everything (and a very long post), I've come to this mantra, this conclusion:

The more forceful the fall is, the higher I will rise. Think of it that way, Via.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Apologies and another thing

Alright, so I know I should be focusing on being positive. But sometimes it feels like I'm relapsing to my pessimistic bubble. But I'm putting conscious effort in it, hitting the mental reset button, as I've read here. :)

Other than that.

I'm a petite young woman and I'm not one who particularly takes her vitamins or immediately sees a doctor whenever I'm under the weather and what I felt and realised this week was taking care of myself actually, I mean actually, helps me to feel better about myself. The little indulgence of taking a foamy bath, the gratifying feeling of eating fresh fruits and taking your vitamins all played their part in boosting your confidence from within. I actually feel great whenever I find the time to include those in my daily activities. I'm seriously thinking of enrolling myself in a fitness class once I get a new job. I just hope I commit to it long enough to actually reap its long term benefits. Of course, this helped me understood why so many people feel good about themselves when they work out. Sure, for some, looking buffed is attractive but I suppose it's beyond being buffed or being toned, or having well-chiseled abs.

Cheers to a healthy and happy heart,

Monday, November 26, 2012

Sometimes I wonder if you truly understand my baggage and my struggles that come along with it.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

The finding and the have found.

1.32 am

I am suspended in between the finding and the have found. Myself, as I've known it, have the slightest regard for rules, orderliness and the margins of the paper. The finding and the have found feels similarly to one leg in a pajama while the other struggles to balance the rest of yourself.

I'll get there, sooner or later. I know because I have flash backs of what it had felt then, when I knew myself better, while absorbing the present and seeps of future.



Tuesday, October 30, 2012

To cut the story short.

I've been contemplating on cutting my long hair for over a month now. Until this week have I fully concretised my decision. I have to admit, I was a bit scared at letting it all go. I mean let it all go. But I had to muster all my courage if I wanted to change something in my life.

The story behind my decision to cut my hair is number one I feel like I haven't been myself with long hair. I've always known myself as Via the girl with short, daring hair and I've missed that part of me. And two, I also felt that after getting my hair cut, as it grows it should also be the start of my personality growth. I will be more confident, I'll put myself out there. Plus I must always wear a smiling face to compliment my haircut! ;) So it's more profound than just it being a hairstyle.

I didn't care if shorter hair would mean that it would expose my acne even more. I thought if it's there, deal with it. Embrace it. After all, this haircut is, above all, a symbolism, a beginning. And to complement my adventurous move, a quote from Tim Daly:
 I feel the need to endanger myself every so often.

So, without further (hair)do, the big change!

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